Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Hi.
Just so you know why I'm very quiet, I finished with Gill a couple of weeks ago. Life's a bit shit and confused at the moment. Handed my notice in at work and am moving back to Ireland in a few weeks.
It's not really the time or place to discuss such things, but as soon as I can get back to talking about the frivolous things in life, normal service will be resumed.
Thanks for tuning in.
Just so you know why I'm very quiet, I finished with Gill a couple of weeks ago. Life's a bit shit and confused at the moment. Handed my notice in at work and am moving back to Ireland in a few weeks.
It's not really the time or place to discuss such things, but as soon as I can get back to talking about the frivolous things in life, normal service will be resumed.
Thanks for tuning in.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
So I watched Star Wars Episode 3 yesterday, and got bored before the first line of dialogue was spoken. I spent the next few minutes thinking up words that can be made from “Sith” (I got “This” and “Is” then couldn’t think of anymore). So for the edification of anyone fortunate enough not to have seen it here is:
THE FINAL, UNABRIDGED, LOCKED, ACTUAL SHOOTING SCRIPT!!!!!!!
Ext. Space.
Some STUFF is happening. It all looks real cool. Some of the ships look vaguely reminiscent of the superior ships everyone remembers from the original trilogy. Within these ships people are TALKING. (Memo- write dialogue later.) But the key thing to remember is that IT ALL LOOKS REALLY COOL AND MOVES VERY FAST, SO EVEN IF IT DON’T LOOK COOL, NO-ONE WILL NOTICE. Some more stuff happens then:
Int. Space station.
After more STUFF happens. Darth…. I mean, Anakin kills Christopher Lee at McDiarmuids behest- this is called foreshadowing and I read about it in a book in the 70’s. Afterwards MORE STUFF HAPPENS.
(Note to self re: Script. Have someone say ‘I have a bad feeling about this’. That’s a killer line, and I don’t think I’ve used it before.)
Int. Council.
DARTH… I mean Anakin is PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING. No-one pays attention since Darth… I mean Anakin is always PISSED. This makes him even more PISSED. It all looks really nice, though and STUFF is happening outside.
Int. Room.
Darth… I mean Anakin is in a room telling Natalie Portman about how he’s so PISSED all the time. Portman probably winds up CRYING. (Memo: Write some dialogue for here too- something about love maybe)
Int. Space station.
McDiarmuid is trying very hard to tell Darth… I mean Anakin, that he is actually evil. Darth… I mean Anakin is too PISSED TO EVEN REALISE SOMEONE IS TALKING TO HIM, MUCH LESS THAT THEY ARE TELLING HIM INTIMATE DETAILS OF THE DARK SIDE. We should be watching the STUFF that is happening behind them. (Memo: Write dialogue, but nothing so cryptic that folks who are enjoying all the STUFF IN THE BACKGROUND will not see where it’s all leading.)
Int. Council.
McGregor: Damn, was Darth… I mean Anakin ever PISSED today. He slapped me round like a little bitch and I just took it. Maybe I am just a little bitch.
Jackson: Yeah, I sensed that too. Cos I’m a Jedi, you see.
Yoda: Sense this too, I did. Jedi also am I.
McGregor. Should we, y’know… DO something?
Jackson: Aw hell no.
Yoda. Best to wait, it probably is.
(Embarassing silence. Nice STUFF happens in the background.)
Jackson: WOOKIEES!!!!
McGregor: Did someone just say wookiees?
Jackson: You’ dang skippy.
Ext. Some place.
Whew! After all the INTENSE DIALOGUE we cut to some place where STUFF IS HAPPENING!!!!! WITH WOOKIEES!!!!! (Memo Keep dialogue to a minimum, as it will distract fanboys from jerking their gherkins at this point in the movie).
Some ROBOT WITH A COUGH shows up and uses TONS AND TONS OF LIGHTSABRES. Then dies.
Int. Room.
Darth… I mean Anakin is BITCHING AND MOANING to Portman once more. Once more Portman winds up crying. (Memo: This bit may need some dialogue too.)
Int. Nice room.
McDiarmuid sits on a chair looking SMUG. Jackson appears. (Dialogue) Then some REALLY COOL STUFF HAPPENS AND MCDIARMUID LOOKS LIKE PALPATINE AT THE END!!!!!!! Darth… I mean, Anakin interrupts proceedings, looking PISSED.
Anakin: Stop that!
McDiarmuid: No, join me, I hereby make you some tempting but ill-defined promises regarding your future.
Anakin: Good enough for me, have at you Jackson.
JACKSON gets DEADED.
McDiarmuid: Excellent. I shall call you podo, and you godo.
Anakin: Who are you talking to?
McDiarmuid: I mean, I shall call you DARTH VADAR (Memo: Talk nice to that hack Williams, see if he can summon up something frikkin epic for this bit- as it will save on the DIALOGUE).
Anakin: Wow. I only thought I was pissed before.
McDiarmuid: Go now. Kill some folks. You are evil.
Anakin: K.
Int. Room.
Portman is CRYING because Anakin was PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING. McGregor shows up then buggers off.
(Aw yeah- just thought of an awesome line- Yoda should say ‘Not if anything to do with it, I have’ that would rock. I’m using that bad boy in the trailer.)
Int. Big Room.
After some stuff happens, Yoda has a fight and says ‘Not if anything to do with it, I have’ (Yeah, boy!!!)
Ext. Some place.
After lots of STUFF happens, Anakin is wandering around aimlessly, looking PISSED. Portman shows up and begins to cry. Then Anakin fights McGregor. It looks COOL. McGregor cuts Anakin to shit, despite earlier being his LITTLE BITCH.
McGregor: Who’s the bitch now, eh? Anyhoo, best be off, got ends to tie up, y’know.
Int. Room.
Some stuff happens. Not sure yet how cool it should look. Darth Vader shows up. Everyone feels watching the film has been worth their while after all.
Portman DIES.
Some guy: Oh yeah… someone wipe that droids mind will ya?
Some other guy: K.
The END.
THE FINAL, UNABRIDGED, LOCKED, ACTUAL SHOOTING SCRIPT!!!!!!!
Ext. Space.
Some STUFF is happening. It all looks real cool. Some of the ships look vaguely reminiscent of the superior ships everyone remembers from the original trilogy. Within these ships people are TALKING. (Memo- write dialogue later.) But the key thing to remember is that IT ALL LOOKS REALLY COOL AND MOVES VERY FAST, SO EVEN IF IT DON’T LOOK COOL, NO-ONE WILL NOTICE. Some more stuff happens then:
Int. Space station.
After more STUFF happens. Darth…. I mean, Anakin kills Christopher Lee at McDiarmuids behest- this is called foreshadowing and I read about it in a book in the 70’s. Afterwards MORE STUFF HAPPENS.
(Note to self re: Script. Have someone say ‘I have a bad feeling about this’. That’s a killer line, and I don’t think I’ve used it before.)
Int. Council.
DARTH… I mean Anakin is PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING. No-one pays attention since Darth… I mean Anakin is always PISSED. This makes him even more PISSED. It all looks really nice, though and STUFF is happening outside.
Int. Room.
Darth… I mean Anakin is in a room telling Natalie Portman about how he’s so PISSED all the time. Portman probably winds up CRYING. (Memo: Write some dialogue for here too- something about love maybe)
Int. Space station.
McDiarmuid is trying very hard to tell Darth… I mean Anakin, that he is actually evil. Darth… I mean Anakin is too PISSED TO EVEN REALISE SOMEONE IS TALKING TO HIM, MUCH LESS THAT THEY ARE TELLING HIM INTIMATE DETAILS OF THE DARK SIDE. We should be watching the STUFF that is happening behind them. (Memo: Write dialogue, but nothing so cryptic that folks who are enjoying all the STUFF IN THE BACKGROUND will not see where it’s all leading.)
Int. Council.
McGregor: Damn, was Darth… I mean Anakin ever PISSED today. He slapped me round like a little bitch and I just took it. Maybe I am just a little bitch.
Jackson: Yeah, I sensed that too. Cos I’m a Jedi, you see.
Yoda: Sense this too, I did. Jedi also am I.
McGregor. Should we, y’know… DO something?
Jackson: Aw hell no.
Yoda. Best to wait, it probably is.
(Embarassing silence. Nice STUFF happens in the background.)
Jackson: WOOKIEES!!!!
McGregor: Did someone just say wookiees?
Jackson: You’ dang skippy.
Ext. Some place.
Whew! After all the INTENSE DIALOGUE we cut to some place where STUFF IS HAPPENING!!!!! WITH WOOKIEES!!!!! (Memo Keep dialogue to a minimum, as it will distract fanboys from jerking their gherkins at this point in the movie).
Some ROBOT WITH A COUGH shows up and uses TONS AND TONS OF LIGHTSABRES. Then dies.
Int. Room.
Darth… I mean Anakin is BITCHING AND MOANING to Portman once more. Once more Portman winds up crying. (Memo: This bit may need some dialogue too.)
Int. Nice room.
McDiarmuid sits on a chair looking SMUG. Jackson appears. (Dialogue) Then some REALLY COOL STUFF HAPPENS AND MCDIARMUID LOOKS LIKE PALPATINE AT THE END!!!!!!! Darth… I mean, Anakin interrupts proceedings, looking PISSED.
Anakin: Stop that!
McDiarmuid: No, join me, I hereby make you some tempting but ill-defined promises regarding your future.
Anakin: Good enough for me, have at you Jackson.
JACKSON gets DEADED.
McDiarmuid: Excellent. I shall call you podo, and you godo.
Anakin: Who are you talking to?
McDiarmuid: I mean, I shall call you DARTH VADAR (Memo: Talk nice to that hack Williams, see if he can summon up something frikkin epic for this bit- as it will save on the DIALOGUE).
Anakin: Wow. I only thought I was pissed before.
McDiarmuid: Go now. Kill some folks. You are evil.
Anakin: K.
Int. Room.
Portman is CRYING because Anakin was PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING. McGregor shows up then buggers off.
(Aw yeah- just thought of an awesome line- Yoda should say ‘Not if anything to do with it, I have’ that would rock. I’m using that bad boy in the trailer.)
Int. Big Room.
After some stuff happens, Yoda has a fight and says ‘Not if anything to do with it, I have’ (Yeah, boy!!!)
Ext. Some place.
After lots of STUFF happens, Anakin is wandering around aimlessly, looking PISSED. Portman shows up and begins to cry. Then Anakin fights McGregor. It looks COOL. McGregor cuts Anakin to shit, despite earlier being his LITTLE BITCH.
McGregor: Who’s the bitch now, eh? Anyhoo, best be off, got ends to tie up, y’know.
Int. Room.
Some stuff happens. Not sure yet how cool it should look. Darth Vader shows up. Everyone feels watching the film has been worth their while after all.
Portman DIES.
Some guy: Oh yeah… someone wipe that droids mind will ya?
Some other guy: K.
The END.
Friday, November 04, 2005
High there everybody.
Been radio silent for a bit, I’m afraid. I was back in Ireland last week to bury my godfather, Peter Donnelly. I’ll not go into it, cos it’s not the time or place, but suffice to say I was very saddened by his sudden departure and was pretty much in awe of the way the rest of the family handled it. I can only hope to have as impressive a turn out at my last party.
What else has been going on then? Not a lot, as it goes. Been to town yesterday to try and change bank, and y’know when folk say that banks want your custom and will do anything to get it? Not true. Not if you’re me anyway. Again, I’ll not go into details as I doubt even the most anal-retent aido-watcher could find anything edifying in the minutiae, but it surprised me nonetheless, and for the time being at least, I still bank with Evil inc. (Natwest).
Films, books, games etc… (The meat)
FINALLY finished Silent Hill 2, Gareth will be pleased to hear. I put my fear to one side and plugged through the last act of the game in one sitting, and boy was it a doozy. This game, I swear, is the best answer I can give to anyone questioning videogames’ emotional worth. I didn’t actually cry at the end- as I was still in a kind of numb shock, but I wasn’t far off. And like the very best movies and books, while the plot played itself out in the end, the story remains elusive, indefinite and very much open to interpretation. It’s kind of like a David Lynch movie in that you get glimpses of what’s going on, but it will take several more viewings (or in this case, playthroughs) before I could confidently say ‘This is what happened’.
Read ‘Squee’. Graphic novel by Jhonen Vasquez, who is a shamelessly self-conscious goth, but he’s got a sense of humour to go with it so it’s okay. His pictures are kind of cute, in a psychopathic way, and the stories, such as they are, are wafer-thin. Enjoyable, but hardly required reading.
Oh, yeah, Gill’s folks got me ‘Batman in the Forties’ for my birthday, which I started last night. It’s a compilation of comics from Batman’s first decade. Until now I’d thought that Frank Miller had been the first to take Batman to ‘the dark place’ in Dark Knight Returns, but to be honest, Kane’s original makes Miller’s look like a pant-wetting sissy. In his debut ‘Crisis at the chemical plant’, he punches the villain into an acid bath at the denouement, while the would-be victim says ‘He’ll die for sure’. Batman replies ‘A fitting end for the likes of him’(!). So much for the sanctity of human life eh?
Speaking of superheroes behaving like tossers, check out http://www.superdickery.com/dick/1.html
And laugh yourself silly.
Aido ‘hoot your trap off’ Potato
Been radio silent for a bit, I’m afraid. I was back in Ireland last week to bury my godfather, Peter Donnelly. I’ll not go into it, cos it’s not the time or place, but suffice to say I was very saddened by his sudden departure and was pretty much in awe of the way the rest of the family handled it. I can only hope to have as impressive a turn out at my last party.
What else has been going on then? Not a lot, as it goes. Been to town yesterday to try and change bank, and y’know when folk say that banks want your custom and will do anything to get it? Not true. Not if you’re me anyway. Again, I’ll not go into details as I doubt even the most anal-retent aido-watcher could find anything edifying in the minutiae, but it surprised me nonetheless, and for the time being at least, I still bank with Evil inc. (Natwest).
Films, books, games etc… (The meat)
FINALLY finished Silent Hill 2, Gareth will be pleased to hear. I put my fear to one side and plugged through the last act of the game in one sitting, and boy was it a doozy. This game, I swear, is the best answer I can give to anyone questioning videogames’ emotional worth. I didn’t actually cry at the end- as I was still in a kind of numb shock, but I wasn’t far off. And like the very best movies and books, while the plot played itself out in the end, the story remains elusive, indefinite and very much open to interpretation. It’s kind of like a David Lynch movie in that you get glimpses of what’s going on, but it will take several more viewings (or in this case, playthroughs) before I could confidently say ‘This is what happened’.
Read ‘Squee’. Graphic novel by Jhonen Vasquez, who is a shamelessly self-conscious goth, but he’s got a sense of humour to go with it so it’s okay. His pictures are kind of cute, in a psychopathic way, and the stories, such as they are, are wafer-thin. Enjoyable, but hardly required reading.
Oh, yeah, Gill’s folks got me ‘Batman in the Forties’ for my birthday, which I started last night. It’s a compilation of comics from Batman’s first decade. Until now I’d thought that Frank Miller had been the first to take Batman to ‘the dark place’ in Dark Knight Returns, but to be honest, Kane’s original makes Miller’s look like a pant-wetting sissy. In his debut ‘Crisis at the chemical plant’, he punches the villain into an acid bath at the denouement, while the would-be victim says ‘He’ll die for sure’. Batman replies ‘A fitting end for the likes of him’(!). So much for the sanctity of human life eh?
Speaking of superheroes behaving like tossers, check out http://www.superdickery.com/dick/1.html
And laugh yourself silly.
Aido ‘hoot your trap off’ Potato
