Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Welcome one and welcome all. This is coming to you live from home base. Myself and Gill arrived back in Derryclooney yesterday for what promises to be the celebration of the century as Edel and Luke prepare for their connubials.
The house was in a typical state of mayhem when we got here; we travelled from the airport with Luke’s best man Ken who claims to have never met so many people in one day before. He’s hoping to upstage Edels performance at his wedding a few years ago when she had to be tastefully removed by Luke before 10 o clock. Bless.
So the familial units all seem to have been functioning more or less to satisfaction in my absence- dad has ostensibly retired now, but in truth he’s sold off all the milking herd and bought in twice as many calves to keep himself busy. Mums says she sees about as much of him now as she did before he retired. Ho hum.
Aside from all this not that much has been happening. I’ve been conserving cash and energy for the wedding, so my already comatose social life has been pronounced officially dead (for the time being at least) but hey if any of my homeboys are reading this I do hope you will be around for a few jars at some point over the next few weeks- you know it makes sense.
Big Brother continues to shock and depress in equal measure. I had thought last week that the housemates had finally got with the program and seen through Maxwell’s cheeky chappie exterior to the bigoted pork-faced pot-bellied shit factory underneath, but since the deserved expulsion of Saskia (giant haystack’s sister) the women of the house have been lining up to throw themselves at him in the sluttiest ways imaginable. The charitable part of me wants to believe that this is as part of a protracted fuck you to saskia, but the real evidence shows that these women are one part vitriol (the part that deals with other women or sexually unavailable men) and five parts preening, oversexed, vanity. (The part that deals with Maxwell and Anthony [closeted disco gerbil]). My favorite bit was when Craig, driven temporarily insane with jealousy, attempted to literally scare all the women away from Anthony, before weeping for eight straight hours. As such the rollicking fun of watching everyone taking potshots at their ‘crew’ last week, has given way once more to the lingering desire to see the house and everyone in it napalmed for the good of the gene pool. Except Science. No-one but me seems to like Science; how anyone could have watched that bit last week where he beat Maxwell at staring before launching into his “You’re just a weak man” monologue, then, after Maxwell’s retarded comeback, stating ‘what are you gonna do about it, you flubber?’ without punching the air in glee has been grievously miseducated.
So that’s that.
Aido ‘Jackie O-O-Oh my god’ potato.
The house was in a typical state of mayhem when we got here; we travelled from the airport with Luke’s best man Ken who claims to have never met so many people in one day before. He’s hoping to upstage Edels performance at his wedding a few years ago when she had to be tastefully removed by Luke before 10 o clock. Bless.
So the familial units all seem to have been functioning more or less to satisfaction in my absence- dad has ostensibly retired now, but in truth he’s sold off all the milking herd and bought in twice as many calves to keep himself busy. Mums says she sees about as much of him now as she did before he retired. Ho hum.
Aside from all this not that much has been happening. I’ve been conserving cash and energy for the wedding, so my already comatose social life has been pronounced officially dead (for the time being at least) but hey if any of my homeboys are reading this I do hope you will be around for a few jars at some point over the next few weeks- you know it makes sense.
Big Brother continues to shock and depress in equal measure. I had thought last week that the housemates had finally got with the program and seen through Maxwell’s cheeky chappie exterior to the bigoted pork-faced pot-bellied shit factory underneath, but since the deserved expulsion of Saskia (giant haystack’s sister) the women of the house have been lining up to throw themselves at him in the sluttiest ways imaginable. The charitable part of me wants to believe that this is as part of a protracted fuck you to saskia, but the real evidence shows that these women are one part vitriol (the part that deals with other women or sexually unavailable men) and five parts preening, oversexed, vanity. (The part that deals with Maxwell and Anthony [closeted disco gerbil]). My favorite bit was when Craig, driven temporarily insane with jealousy, attempted to literally scare all the women away from Anthony, before weeping for eight straight hours. As such the rollicking fun of watching everyone taking potshots at their ‘crew’ last week, has given way once more to the lingering desire to see the house and everyone in it napalmed for the good of the gene pool. Except Science. No-one but me seems to like Science; how anyone could have watched that bit last week where he beat Maxwell at staring before launching into his “You’re just a weak man” monologue, then, after Maxwell’s retarded comeback, stating ‘what are you gonna do about it, you flubber?’ without punching the air in glee has been grievously miseducated.
So that’s that.
Aido ‘Jackie O-O-Oh my god’ potato.
Comments:
Post a Comment
